Start with prayer prayer of focus prayer of strength prayer of dedication
View course in a quiet place, be present and don’t multitask
Take notes, journalling is critical in this work Journalling helps you clear your thoughts, solve problems and know your feelings Use the workbook, take notes and complete every exercise in the course book
Don’t rush the course, it can anywhere between 10 weeks and 4 months
Goals
Need to define gols wen strtng prgrmme
We mst frmly bleve and vgrosly act to enordr chng
agressve pursuit of a grat life
goldn rul of bhavir modification, to brak a habit u must mak a habit
seting gols are a fundamental component to success
u cant get were u are going until u define were that is
brk gol dwn into chunks, blieve in them and then achive them
The Red Zone
Wat type of prn r u viewng Hs prn bcome mre grphic B spcific abot time watchng prn
Prn use red zone Mintes of weakness cntrl entre life
What type do you watch What are you watching it on How many times per day For how long Give a sentence or two on how prn has impacted your sexuality
Usually wmen undrssng or tkng tps off Erly twnties, college grls Wtchng on my lptop wen wfe is out of house or on my phne It spirls, if I wtch a lttle bit I find I splrge and go deep fr svrl hours, if nt a dy or to until totlly dpressd I hte how it mkes me feel afterwards, the dpression, lck of slf value It hs impcted my relationshp wth my wfe, startng to act out drng sx, strtng to use bd lnguage and objectify
The Habit Cycle
Habit Cycle > Trigger, thought, action
Put spc btwn th hbt cycl
th key is finding th spce btwn stimulus (trigger) and response (action)is space (choice) dnt automatically rspnd btwn stimulus and action
Triggers are biologically hardwired and don’t go away Become aware of thm
Elevate your awareness
Flee for your lives and don’t look back U cnt cntrl trgger events U cnt cntrl thgh that rises frm trggers
Exercise: “Name / word association” School Teenager Bishop Me Sometimes me Happy Prn Me Tony Mke Shameful
Wht frst thght is my mnd tllng to me? Nd tool to dsrpt trggr to action
Lovely Depressing Hope Resist Wish
Ngatve thghts hav incredibl pwr Where does the self deprcating thghts cme frm
Subpersonality awareness
Prt wnts to quit, othr prt wnts to cnsme Why is there a prt of you that is inconsistent wth your goals?
What is a sub personality
- A bdy of seperate thoughts, feelings, and even actions
Energy patterns may have bn born in the pst Sub personalities are sperate individual personalties
If u sffrd childhood trama ths tchnque will help you:
Addict: Andy is a early twenties, jeans and torn tshirt. He’s thin and pale. He looks shifty, struggles to look you in the eyes. He feels unloved, he’s on his own. Nobody gives him the time of day. He’s always on his computer. His computer is the only thing he’s actually good at. He doesn’t care about those around him, why should he when they have hurt him and don’t care about him.
Where did this part of you come from?
What does this part of you really need?
Me: I’m tired of this, I’m tired of this recurring theme and every time I think I’m over it we come back to it again, why do you keep doing this Andy: I can’t help it, it’s harmless provided nobody knows about it. I’m just solving my curiosity. Don’t you want to see what she looks like? Me: No, the guilt and the damage this is doing is not worth the curiosity. I would much rather not know and be happy than know and then have the guilt and pain. Can’t you stop Andy: This is something we’ve been doing all our lives, you can feel the anticipation and addrenalin as it builds up Me: And the immediate guilt afterwards, as well as the hours and hours of wasted time, the depression. It’s destroying me Andy: Well, it’s one way to cover the depression and hurt. It’s a way to escape and get away Me: Surely we can find another way to feel better. There must be better ways to feel connected Andy: I guess, I’m just not sure how, and there is still a lot of pain and hurt Me: This is just causing more pain and hurt, let’s look at a way to get over that in a different way. Let’s love our wife and children and give them our love instead of this Andy: What if they leave us, what if it all changes again. You were loved before and it ended up badly Me: Just because of one bad experience doesn’t mean we have to do this, especially since that wasn’t even our stuff. You can’t control how your parents feel. They were going through tough times on their own. You were just a bistander to that Andy: I’ve just felt a slave to it all, I wish there was another way Me: There is, I’ll work with you through it. We are going to figure out a better way to handle this. Andy: Ok, I’m with you on it. I’m optimistic we can sort this out.
Know your history
We ar creatures of habits Mny hbits and blief systems have baggage Stuck in a pttrn of negative behaviors (trigger, response, action) Let go of your past
Be awre of three factors that cause historical negative energy Were you sx abusd, emotionally abusd, physically abusd, neglected Was intimacy modelled healthily as a child Wd there anybody in your life you need to forgive
Ask two questions
- Where did you come from
- What do you need
The Prn Indstry
Decreased empathy for rpe vctms Decreased sxl intrst in their prtner Somone is prfiting off your addction
Happiness Index
To break a habit you have to make a habit Been rnning awy frm the ngtiv If you nly stp ding smthng u wll fail
Track your happiness for 6 days Career - goals around now, and goals around future Relationship - friends, family, wife Health - exercise, looking after yourself, taking your medication Hobbies - need hobbies to raise emotional baseline and give me a better place Spirituality - my relationship with God Finances - where am I spending money and why (in debt?, ignoring bills?)
Every day you are grading 4 - very happy, things are great 3 - good, could be better 2 - unhappy, blah, underachieving 1 - this isn’t happening
Actions you take is the life you make, my actions are producing those results.
Introduction to the Successful Six
At least 6 thngs to be successful in life
- Exercise
- Sleep
- Eating
- Prayer
- Hydration
- Mindfulness
Eating
Wht u put in to your body hs a dramatic impact on how you feel
Cut sugar Avoid fast food Eat food high in protein with lots of fruits and vegetables If you take care of your body your mind will follow
Sleep
Lck of sleep slps u back into the rle of prn Styng up lte and nt gtting enough sleep leads to bd dcisions
Hydration
Every cell, tissue needs water to operate properly
Exercise
Exercise is an area that helps you feel better about yourself quickly.
Our bodies are gfts from God, we nd to tke cre of thm
Exercise helps your slf esteem
Mindfulness
Mndflnss is paying attention in a particular way on purpose in the present moment without judgement
Do whatever you are doing but focus on what you are doing excluding everything outside of that
Hlp us slp bttr
Mndflnss exercise
- Breathe and count your breathing to ten
Headspace App helps get better with mindfulness
Prayer
Be pryrfl
Pryr hlps put dstnce btween thght nd action
Owning your life
Use the tools to fight negative thoughts. Own your life.
- Accountability
- Repect
- Responsibility
- Choice
- Control
- Power
The fear of failure stops us from doing amazing things.
Failure = opportunity
Things that frustrate me
Addctd to prngrpy
Eat unhealthily
Dnt feel cnnected to others
Dnt gt alng wth sblngs/parnts
Opportunity list
Wht am I gng to do about th lst
Failure = opportunity
I have an oppotunity to learn mre about myself by dealing wth addction wth prngrphy I see an opportunity to improve my health because I can eat healthily I have an opportunity Dnt feel cnnected to others because ths is somthing I can do I have an opportunity to get alng better wth my sblngs/parnts
I am great beacause
1 I am great because I love my kids
2 I am great because I help others
3 I am great because I care about others
4 I am great because I love my wife
5 I am great because I get things done
6 I am great because I am learning more about myself
7 I am great because I care about my friends
8 I am great because I have a healthy routine
9 I am great because I try to do better
10 I am great because I have made it through a hard childhood and succeeded
Motivation is like water, you need it every day
Stay hungry, fill your mind with information that motivates you
Take action, an idea is nothing but a dream unless it has a plan behind it
Objectifying Women
Whn u lst ovr wmn you objctify thm View wmn for who thy are, not jst their bdy prts U cn cntrl where your eyes go
Relapse Prevention Plan
Relpse will nt kll you, it wll mke you strngr
Slp ups hppen, if it occurs gt rght bck on trck
Dnt go on a bnder
Wht doesnt kll you mkes you strngr
Relapse Action Plan
Awareness
Accountability
Action
Awareness - investigate what happened, look at the situatin, look for information. Write things down in great detail. Be aware of what your triggers are.
Accountability - you need to own this, ultimately you made the choice. Be accountable to yourself, be accountable to someone else. Go on the channel, tell someone else
Action - Take action, what are the steps you need to take immediately to avoid this going forward. Have a relapse action plan.
Put together stps to do immediatley after a relapse action plan so tht you have sme steps immediately after a slp so that you dn’t spral.
RAP
- ut the cmputer away
- get out of the house (go for a walk)
- reach out to a friend
- do a self evaluation of what the trigger was.
Strategic Plan Moving Forward
To break a habit or addiction you need to replace it with other positive things in your life
6 categories: Health, Hobies, Career, Relationship, Finances, Family
For each of the six categories answer two questions:
- What do you want
- When do you want it
- Why
SMART Goals
Happiness is not a goal, it’s a byproduct.
Micro habits - tiny goals that get you in the direction you want to go
Have a smart goal for each of the happiness sections
Career - goals around now, and goals around future (have a 1 year career plan & a 3 year career plan)
Relationship - friends, family, wife (mend relationship with Jonathan)
Health - exercise, looking after yourself, taking your medication (Get down to 80 kg’s in the next 6 weeks)
Hobbies - need hobbies to raise emotional baseline and give me a better place (Identify potential hobbies)
Spirituality - my relationship with God
Finances - where am I spending money and why (in debt?, ignoring bills?) (Do the review with Mike Rawlings)
Have a 1 year career plan & a 3 year career plan Mend relationship with Jonathan in the next few months Get down to 80 kg’s in the next 6 weeks Identify potential hobbies Do the review with Mike Rawlings