I recently had the opportunity to do the Thomas Kilmann Conflict Modes assessment (see this post).
My results were:
Competing: 1
Collaborating: 8
Compromising: 4
Avoiding: 8
Accommodating: 9
Assertiveness is the extent to which I want to satisfy my own concerns Cooperativeness is the extent to which I want to satisfy other peoples concerns
I tend to be high on accommodating, collaborating & avoiding.
Accommodating - Teddy Bear
Commitment to personal goals: Low Commitment to relationship: High
Sometimes I want people to like and accept me. Often this is by people I respect or would like a friendship with. In situations like this I’m quick to accommodate their needs and ignore my own. Often I’m worried if I am strong on my needs it may impact the relationship (some relationship is better than no relationship).
Sometimes I’m worried that when I talk to them on a topic that I don’t necessarily agree on they hear that I’m agreeing with them even if deep down inside I’m not. I think this is because I may be diminishing the differences.
Collaborating - Owl
Commitment to personal goals: High
Commitment to relationship: High
I can confront openly & fairly. I can be committed to my personal goals and to the goals of others. I begin my discussions by identifying openly the wishes of both parties. I am never satisfied until both parties have met all their goals. I most often use this approach with people that I’m comfortable with and have built up social capital with. I tend to default to collaborating even if it isn’t appropriate. Sometimes I will want to collaborate and get input from others on simple problems or when they don’t care.
Avoiding - Turtle
I can sometimes feel that I may not resolve the conflict and rather avoid people and issues that may cause it. I will just not discuss the topic with others. This is rarely useful however it may be beneficial if the issue is trivial and the impact from confronting the individual outweighs the benefits of resolution.
Unfortunately I can go into turtle mode on important issues, especially if I feel that the outcome may cause friction to a previously harmonious relationship. This escalates the issue and creates unnecessary friction. I need to constantly be aware of going into turtle mode.