One of the pieces of feedback I got from Mike in my ESCII review was “Look at sharing what you feel and not just worry about what isn’t working. Enjoy the journey, if you just focus on the outcome it can be a hollow victory”.
If I look at the ESCII survey, some of the questions that Mike rated me on support this perspective. Area’s where he scored me lower than myself and my peers included the following questions:
- I am able to describe how own feelings affect own actions - Sometimes
- Describes underlying reasons for own feelings - Rarely
- Shows awareness of own feelings - Sometimes
- Does not describe own feelings - Rarely
These questions are all areas under “Emotional Self Awareness”. The ESCII survey covers 4 area’s (Self-awareness, Self-management, Social Awareness, Relationship Management), Mike rated me lowest in the section Emotinal Self Awareness section (that was the only area where I was rated “rarely”).
How do I read into that… well it’s interesting because my peers and those that “report to me” do not reflect the same sentiment - they rated me significantly higher than Mike did in all 4 of these questions. Could this then be because of how I act when present with people I see in positions of authority?
Well, I remember when I was on my mission for the church I tended to avoid interactions with my Mission President. At the time my reasoning was I didn’t want to be seen as “sucking”. If I look back at those interactions I felt incredibly uncomfortable “socializing” or interacting with him. Whenever he was around I was “on guard” or alert and attentative and at work.
Could it be that I struggle to show emotions to people I respect and consider my leaders.
Two things come to mind…
- I struggle to relax and allow those in leadership positions see the happy/sad me.
- I struggle to identify what actual emotions I’m feeling.
- I’m unsure what emotions are appropriate to show and what emotions I should probably not show in a work environment (all in or over share)
With those points in mind, let’s identify some emotions that are appropriate in the workplace:
1) Vulnerability
2) Empathy
3) Joy
4) Anger
5) Fear
There is a great post that explores when these emotions are appropriate and when they are not.
Probably out of the five emotions, I struggle with anger the most. I’m not great at handling anger as in I don’t get angry. I tend to reason away the behaviour which sometimes may be detrimental to the outcome.
Anger
The point of anger is to signal combative or retaliatory intentions to others, mostly to prevent them from annoying you in the future.
Incorrect uses of anger include being passive agressive. I have a tendency to revert to being passive aggressive.
When others are able to predict what you might feel if they do something, they’ll likely hold off doing it in the first place. Anger properly channeled into nonverbal signals–can play a critical role in keeping relationships peaceful.
Expressing anger at a situation - “I’m so frustrated our client pitch fell flat, aren’t you?!” – can be an effective rallying mechanism when you’re the one in charge.
If you can tap into the driving and energizing force that anger provides, you may be able to produce better outcomes than you would trying to suppress those feelings. But the key is to feel a moderate amount of anger (or what psychologists call “arousal”–the mental stress or pressure that motivates people to act) that leads to higher performance than just being pumped with adrenaline on the one hand or being too bored, calm, and cool-headed on the other.
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Conversely, the Zen-like ability to eliminate both anger and its sources will also extinguish any passion or desire to achieve. No wonder, then, that exceptional achievers–entrepreneurs, athletes, artists, and even scientists–are often motivated by an intense sense of dissatisfaction, frustration at their past performance, and even anger
Read the surprising upside to getting angry at work for more context around anger in the workplace and when it’s appropriate.